For as long as I remember I have been a bit of a perfectionist when it comes to work and creativity. My university notes are immaculate, my handwriting is tiny and I have massively high expectations. As a young child I would draw pictures to a high standard and would get very cross if what I drew didn't turn out exactly the way I wanted it to. Things have to be perfect to such an extent that, embarrassingly, I planned this blog!
Unfortunately, I also project my perfectionsim outwards. I cringe at bad spelling and grammar, and I cannot stand watching people get 'artistic' in a way I wouldn't. One moment that springs to mind is being on holiday in France and watching my younger sister create a scrap book of the week. Rough pencil drawings with rubbing out marks stuffed haphazardly onto the page was not my idea of perfect. My objections, however, were not taken lightly, with the whole event ending in tears. What I sometimes have difficulty realising is that although something may not be to my standards, to someone else it is exactly what they want. They are letting their creativity run free and simply enjoying every minute of producing something worth remembering. I often forget the 'enjoying' part and I have a lot to learn about spontaneous creativity. That is something my little brother, Freddy, is definitely teaching me a lot about!
One area in which my perfectionism is quite prominent is when watching films. I rarely love a film. It has to be something really quite special for me to want to watch it again and again. When a new film is released I usually get quite excited watching the trailers, discovering a vague story line and finding out who's in it, all with the promise of being a wonderful movie. The reality is: I am usually left unsatisfied. There is always something that I would have done differently or some riduculous, untrue to the story, moment that I just can't accept. Mister 'selfish, couldn't care less about anyone but myself and my bulging biceps' suddenly having an epiphany and coming back as the hero in an unrealistic change of events just won't cut it for me. A film must have the right actors, chemistry, a gripping story line, a great set and fitting music, grabbing my attention from start to finish. The films that I do love are simply amazing. I will forgive a romcom, however. No matter what, you always need a good, light-hearted film to watch when you're feeling miserable with a box of tissues, a tub of ice cream and a few girl friends.
I have high expectations of men, but I blame this on 'The Notebook'. I want a Noah Calhoun to tell me "it's not gonna be easy. It's gonna be really hard. We're gonna have to work at this everyday, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, you and me, everyday." Swoon. I wouldn't mind a man to build me a house either. He is utter perfection.
But, despite my perfectionism, I have a number of traits that totally contradict this. I am messy, I am not a 'planner' and I am a huge procrastinator. These things are fairly detrimental, especially now when I have exams to do and coursework due in next week. Oops. I may not like colouring outside the lines or clashing colours, but I'm still human!
I shall leave you with this (: